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This is something I feel like I deserve. Because I work hard and, sometimes, I need someone's support. Because I can feel really sad sometimes and I need someone's shoulder. Because I can have so many flowers blooming inside of me, and I need someone to give them to. Because I am really retarded sometimes, and I need someone to just understand. Because I am secretly really insecure and I need someone to hold emotions like that at bay.
But really, no one really deserves anything. | | |
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"I like art too, but I just don't publicize it as much as you do" is what someone tried to say to me today.
Honestly, he was right. I let this thing define me so intrinsically, it's the first thing anyone knows about me. And yeah, i can see how its obnoxious, but I don't think they understand how much it means to me. Can I say this again? They don't understand what it means to me. After I told an my mom's friend that I was majoring in art, he called it, "every little girl's dream major". Yeah, I get it. Little girls all like to doodle and draw, and people like to be and are inspired by art all the time. It's fun and its pleasing, its a form of expression every human being should be entitled to. But believe me when I say that it is so much more to me than that. I could never get married and I could never start a family and I honestly could not care less. But if I didn't do art, I would feel like my life would be wasted. And it's not like it was always like this; I only picked it up really late in high school. But when I realized that this is what I wanted to do, it was the most miraculous thing. I felt like I was saved. Is that understandable? This is my lifeline. My heart beats for it and every moment of my life is brimming with beauty. Something bloomed inside of me that day and I've been in love ever since.
I'll be in the studio at 3 am in the morning, tired as hell, severely sleep-deprived, and still feel like I could do this forever. Like a wife who is willing to sacrifice everything for her family, I am willing to do this for what I love as well. So I can understand if you think I'm ridiculous or full of crap, and I can only apologize for it. But at the end of the day, I am happier than I've ever been.
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ergh.
what is this? can someone explain this to me? how ridiculous is this?!?!
i just dont get this whole life thing.
take me to the house of my dreams
where i am an extension of the crumbled walls
watching out from the windows
sweet, serene mundanity
inexplicable attraction of household objects
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i'm just too good at this.
>:D
/edit/
its 2:53 and class starts at 4:30. i have an art history test this thursday. many many many things to memorize. one essay to write and one essay to prepare for. drawing sketchbook. otherwise, workload is alright, relatively speaking. well, relative to the last few weeks at least.
i'm getting into the beatles. i wanna get a canon SLR.. or something. there's this really cool tree/hut/igloo outside of the art school. i miss home. i wanna go to the beach so badly. and i need to see Across the Universe. and go shopping.
Obladi-oblada! Life goes on!
/edit/ | | |
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oh my god oh my god oh my god.
it hurts.
make it stop.
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